First things first. Mother Nature For The Win.
Well, nightmares are a thing. I did good things to shake it off, and am collecting my efforts here! Looked up a way to shake off shitty feelings from a nightmare. “After all, there really is no time limit on good ideas, and you do get to do it over if you make a mistake, and going over things slowly gives you more time to ask good questions and find mistakes.” – Cathy O’Neil, mathbabe Also, I am grateful that this exists. One of my intentions with this blog was to share a poem. It was actually several pages of lyrical free writing and release that I reworked into a poem. As I typed it up, I felt that I was “sticking it to the man” by calling out my abusers, even though I was, um, artistically vague and did not name any injurers. I felt empowered by being creative and using my voice, but overwhelmed by voices, threatening energy, and dissociation. I reworked the poem again, cutting it’s length by half, trying to envelope myself in anonymity and a feeling of safety. Sometimes feeling safe feels like protecting the identity of the abuser. 😦 I published the poem and then deleted it the next day. The line that resonates with me right now is “I want to trust.” “There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” – C.S. Lewis And here I am on Earth, a quickly changing place, encouraging me to take action and show myself love. Through loving myself I love the Earth. I am grateful for my own experience.